What can happen in 5 months, you ask?

EVERYTHING. Honestly, anything and everything. But let’s begin on an unexpected note with something I saw the other day.

When I can’t make it into the gym, I program my own workouts at home consisting primarily of body weight conditioning (push-ups, air squats, sit-ups, burpees, etc.) and kettle bell work. And it just so happens that the square footage I map out for myself in the living room—just between the lizard tank and the coffee table—is located directly across from a mirror. This was unplanned in the beginning, yet I’ve done my best to use it to my advantage to keep an eye on my form…as opposed to using it as a tool of self-conscious judgment.  Well, it was during one of these at-home-sweat-fests that I caught a glimpse at something I had never seen before.  I was finishing out my third round of kettle bell swings, when I glanced up at the mirror and saw someone other than myself. Sacrificing my time, I landed the kettle bell to get another look at this stranger sneaking a peek at my workout. But as soon as my brain caught up with my eyes, I had the most ridiculous moment thinking, "DAAAAAAAMN!!! Check out those legs! HOLY CRAP...that's me!”  

      BAD ASS FACE!

Check them gams!

I’ve spent so much time worrying over those places that “still aren’t perfect;” my “trouble spots” that frustrate me like no other and often sabotage the proof of all of my hard work. But this was the first time I ever looked at the WHOLE me and saw the significant changes that I’ve made, the progress that’s happening, and this newer body that I should be proud of!

It must have been that spot in the living room, that time of day and the light streaming in, the positioning of the mirror: who knows and who cares! The light created a particular shadow, outlining muscle. Showing off proof that I’ve worked hard to get stronger and leaner.  Huffing and puffing from that last set of kettle bell swings, I smiled. Stupidly overwhelmed by pride. Beauty. Security. All of this work is meaningful. All of this work is worthwhile. And ANYONE can do it. 

It’s this moment, mixed with the ROLLER COASTER that has been my life for the past few months, that has opened my eyes to the future: helping other people do the same thing (get stronger, healthier, happier) is my calling. 

The next phase: teaching and training.

I’m not going to bore you with the nauseating details of my life since my last entry—I apologize for being M.I.A., but I kid you not: everything that could happen…did happen. BUT, I am a firm believer of moving forward and growing stronger.  Quick recap of the highlights:

An amazing experience performing in the musical Hair (which meant kicking it hard to lose several more pounds and tone up for the famous nude scene. OH SNAP!) Being cast in two more shows to do exactly what I love doing and feel great doing it. Celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, sad days, happy days, lost days and new beginnings. Knowing that I am love and supported, through the good and the bad. Working myself to the bone at a non-profit job that fulfilled all of those dream prerequisites I had made for my career yet caused me to lose sleep, worry all the time and become basically a crappy kind of person. LEAVING said job in a moment of triumph and terror. And it was these pivotal moments in time that lead me to my current state of positivity and purposefulness.

Once I rid myself of the confines of what I always “thought I was supposed to do” in a job I “thought I was supposed to have,” the world opened up to me. Opportunities came knocking on my door. Time opened up and I immediately became happier. Now I wake up thinking of the possibilities that are available, as opposed to the walls I once ran into over and over again.

Oh hey, Sammy Jean.

And  with the help my of my new side-kick Sammy Jean, I'm now ready to say, "Let’s do this."

What does this mean? Well! It means that This Primal Yogi is ready to get moving. I’m going to look into becoming a more targeted trainer. I’m going to teach the classes I WANT TO TEACH. I going to take this life by the horns and make it what it should be. Doing what I’m good at and enjoying what I do. Not because I have to, but because I want to.

 HOLY SMOKES THAT FEELS GOOD!!

So the next step from here? Talking to students, studios, gyms and creating my own programing and my own practice. Getting myself back in the gym and feeling good. And looking forward to the life I’m building at home and the future. Life is good, if you can be strong and work through the tough stuff…because there is so much out there that is worth sticking it through.  Quitting is for ninnies…and I’m not into that.

  

Grr…urg…LOVE,

This Primal Yogi

PS. OH YEAH!! I also did this bangarang Mud Run and I’m officially addicted. These people are amazing, and I’m so happy to call them my trainers, students and of course, my friends.

The super muddy CrossFit Mt. Laurel Team

Crawling under barbed wire...in mud.

Giant tarp-slide...landing in mud.

To My Heroes (Why yes, this post is sappy...)

So proud! Oh, and blonde. 

This month, I witnessed something amazing. I saw six people that I often work side-by-side with--sweating, yelling, laughing, hauling ass together--face a challenge, and crush it all with a smile. I stood along side people I proudly call friends and my CFMtL Family as we cheered until our throats went dry, making sure that the day's competitors knew that we were there with them through every double under, kettlebell swing, snatch and burpee. I saw myself becoming someone better, stronger and happier just by being a part of this world. And I felt myself both cower with anticipation and grow with excitement for my own competition that just so happens to be in 3 days.

In this past week...I had to do all of the workouts expected of me on Saturday...and yes, the excitement is still there...but so is the thought of peeing my pants.

So I have found that when I need to get out of my worry and find a focal point for this weekend--an inspiration that can lift me back into that space of "YES I CAN"--I find myself thinking of my two heroes, who again I am proud to call friends, and the look on their faces when they pushed through the workout and collapsed in relief and surprise and gratitude at the end. It helps.

Here's to them:

CFMtL Trainer: Dana Pancoast

"Big Dana" -
Now when you hear "Big Dana," I'm sure you're thinking of something that ISN'T our Big Dana. Yet, there is nothing about her awesomeness that isn't larger than life. I can remember my first days at the gym, when I was just about at "vomit-point" in my foundations and first full classes...or laughing my way through the fact that I couldn't even get my feet off the floor for a ring dip--she was there, soft spoken but encouraging. There is never a moment where she isn't working just as hard as anyone else in the gym (if not 3 times harder), and after finishing her last reps, she's right there calling your name as you push through to the end. It's most likely her determination...no, her modesty....no, her attitude...okay, it's kind of her package deal that makes her the best kind of trainer. She also used to be a swell yoga student...ehem....but I'm not one to judge. ;) I love the days when I walk into the gym and Dana is there to smile and ask me how my day was as I jokingly lament about the WOD: because I know she's got my back the whole way through, and I can only hope that she knows I'm there for her, too.

Newest CFMtL Trainer: Sue Velott

Sue, a.k.a. "Paleo Sue" -
This simply, in no way could be a post about my heroes if I didn't introduce you to SUE. Oh, the things I can say about Sue! But #1, if you aren't inspired, amazed, and completely in awe of Sue, I say "GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!" Okay, that's a little harsh...but seriously, I mean it. From the day she decided that nothing was keeping her from the CrossFit open this year, she has been on fire with conviction and results. I've known Sue--goodness gracious--for almost a year now, and the changes I have seen in her, both physically and emotionally, are breath-taking. She also has a natural knack for making others feel strong and unbreakable! Even after a personal panic attack at the top of the rope (yup, that was me) she was there at the floor to reassure me back to safety, and then magically talk me into jumping onto the 23" box. Because she can just do that! You see that when she puts her mind to something, IT HAPPENS. So when she tells you that you can do something, you don't doubt her. And in all of the classes that I have taught, I've never had a student that inspires me to be a better teacher the way that Sue does. I know I'm a goof and I know that I will always play the goon to make my students comfortable, but Sue's confidence in me when we're in class always has me striving to improve and learn for her. For all the people who come out to our class.

So this is a thank you to my heroes: for being a consistent and constant inspiration to me to be a better performer, a better athlete and a better teacher. And not just Dana and Sue, but all of my heroes that I work beside every day, trying to becoming better examples for ourselves and those around us. You know who you are. ;)

Photo courtesy of hero, "Big Dana."

NOW: Enough of this sappy crap, check out my star yogi JAMES doing some Camel! That's right, that's my student rocking some ustrasana after his workout.

I. am. so. proud.

Until next time Cave-kids...when I can officially say that I am a CrossFit-Style Competitor.

But not to worry, still your happy-go-lucky yogi, too. ;)

Grr...urg...LOVE,

This Primal Yogi